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- Status Name: Short funny status for facebook fb whatsapp updates Messages in English
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Short funny status for Facebook In English
01. If u Punch me,I dont mind
If u Punch me,I dont mind
If u Hurt me,I dont mind
If u Use bad language2 me,I dont mind
If u Insult me,I dont mind
Bcause U R MY “ATM CARD”.
Warning For Men..
“Don’t Try To Understand
A Woman Completely,,
If You Do This,
You Either Go MAD..Or
You Will Start Loving Her.. 🙂
A Girl may Feel,,
Comfortable in Jeans,Beautiful in Saari,
Cute in Shorts,Proud in Formals,
An Oversized Jacket of “SomeOne Special”
Makes Her Feel Complete.. 🙂
A DOCTOR can save my life.
A LAWYER can defend my life.
A SOLDIER can give me a peaceful life.
But Only You can give me a MEANINGFUL LIFE.
Girl: How Will You Feel
If I Hug My Male Friend..??
Boy: I’ll Feel Happy.
Boy: Coz That Will Make You Sure
That What You Feel In My Arms..
You Can’t Feel Anywhere Else..!
I Love U..
He told me “Never say never!”
But he just said never….twice?
The Earth without the “art” part is just “Eh”.
and the Pleasure without the “plea” part is …
Birdy birdy in the sky
Dropped a poopy in my eyes,
I do not worry I do not cry
I am just happy that cows don’t fly!
Finding you was not easy at all…
but it sure was worth the search!
Finally something worth it!!
Exams are like girl friends
– difficult 2 understand
– too many questions
– more explanations are needed
And results are most of the time failure…
Kiss Is The Key Of Love,
Love Is The Lock Of Marriage,
Marriage Is The Box Of Children,
And too many Children means more Problem for the world
So Please Stop Kissing & Save the world for a while…
A Kid On His Way 2 Home With His Mom Saw A Couple Kissing On The Road,
He Suddenly Shouted & Said: Look Mom look, that boy and girl Are Fighting For A Chewing GUM.
Son: mom, when I was on the bus with my father this morning, he told me 2 give up my seat 2 a lady.
Mother: Well, you have done the right thing son.
Son: But mother, I was sitting on my father’s lap.
New short funny status for whatsapp and facebook
Have you ever thought that tears are more precious than Smiles ?
You may smile for anyone,
but you would not cry for any one unless that person really touched your heart….
I know I am not able to explode myself,
but believe my heart is going to explode whenever
I think of you .
Imagine how much I love you!
LIFE is like a Book;
Each day you read a new page with adventures to experience,
Many lessons to learn and good deeds to replicate.
Have A VERY COLORFUL PAGE Everyday!
Man to a Lady In a Crowded mall: I have Lost My Wife, Will you Please talk to Me for A second
Man: because whenever I Talk to Ladies She Appears From nowhere like a ghost…
I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was:
You will never ever find anyone like me again in your life!
I am thinking, “I should hope not! If I do not want you, why would I want someone like you.
My Hands Never Have Pain
When Typing SMS For You,
But My Heart Always
In Pain When There Is No Reply For Me!.
Father : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not that much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
When you feel neglected, just think of a female salmon who lays three million eggs, and nobody even remembers her on Mother’s day..?
When I die, I want 2 die peacefully like my Grandfather did in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car….
Man to God: Please give me a long life.
God: Get married son.
Man: How will it help me God?
God: You will not think of long life ever again.
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match,
All were busy writing except one student. He wrote “Unfortunately DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH”.
When I was born Devil said…Oh Shit!!! Another GOD!!!..
And When you were born devil said …Oh Shit!!!!Competition…
Three Fastest means of communication
first : Tele-Phone
second : Tele-Vision
third : Tell-a-women
Need still faster?
Easy! just Tell her not to tell anyone.
We Do not Succeed In Our first Love!
Because We Lack Certain Qualites.
After Achieving Those Qualities,
We Never Love Again!
Telling a lie is
An Art for a lover
Fault for a little boy
an Accomplishment for a bachelor
And a Matter of survival for a married man.
Latest short funny status for fun
Boy To Gym Coach: I Want to Impress Cute Girl I am Going to Meet In three Days, Which Machine Should I Use? . .
Coach: Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym!
God made man & then rested.
God made women & then no one rested.
There have been many times in previous month,
When I disturbed you, Troubled you, Teased you
Irritated you, Today I just wanted to tell you,
I plan to continue it in this month as well.
Boyfriend, Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?
Funny Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me,
But how will you survive?
Husband and wife are like liver and kidney
Husband is liver and wife is the kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
But if the kidney fails, liver manages with the other kidney.
Wife said : I will die
Husband replied: I will also die
Wife again : why will you die?
Husband said : because i cant bear the excitement when you die.
1 tree can start a forest; 1 smile can start a friendship; 1 touch can show u care; 1 friend can make life worth living for.
Never KISS a lady police,
She will say, hands up.
Never KISS a lady doctor,
She will say, Next please
Always KISS a SChool teacher and she wil say repeat it 5 TIMES DAILY
What does street racing mean?
“0” to handicap in 10 Seconds
Be Smart Speed Kills.
Maths Sir: A=B & B=C,it mean A=C. Student: OK SIR Sir: Give an example. Boy: Sir, I Love u & u Love ur daughter it means I Love ur daughter..
The Nine Most Terrifying Words In The English Language Are …
“I am From The Government And I am Here To Help….”
Foreign Country Daughter:
Dad! I got married Yesterday Evening. I forgot to inform you.
Daddy: Its ok my child.
But Next time You should invite me.
whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it,
I don’t know what to do….
Husband: keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them…
A Woman met a Man
Walking along the Streets
Wearing only one shoe.
She asked: “Just Lost A Shoe?”
He answered: “Nope, Just Found One”
Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg… Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 years old and she is half mad.
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If U need ADVICE
If U need a Friend
If U need Help
If U need Money,
The number you have dialed is not responding plz don’t try again .
How Can You Delay
Milk Turning Sour?
Keep It In The Cow..
Definition of Home:
“Home is the place where u can scratch exactly where it itches”
Manager: I am afraid the young man we hired last week isnt honest.
Clerk: Oh, you should not judge a person by his Appearance.
Manager:I am not – I am judging him by his disappearance.
Client: Can you tell me what your fees are?
Lawyer: Certainly. I charge 250$ to answer three questions.
Client: That is a bit steep, isnt it?
Lawyer: Yes, now what is your final question?
Major Rohail”s E-Mail:
How have u been
Ur Mom and I are fine and we miss u a lot
Please turn OFF ur PC
& Come Downstairs 4 dinner.
What was the first thing Angel did
When Michael Jackson died?
Angel asked him for an
Confusions in life:
Why is the word ABBREVIATION too long?
If a TURTLE loses his shell, is it Naked or Homeless?
If OLIVE OIL comes from Olive, Where does Baby Oil come from?
If Con is opposite is Pro, What is opposite of Progress?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean after we use them?
The wind, the naughty wind, that blows the girls skirt high… but the nature is clever,
it sends dust with the wind, to close the boys eyes…!
Question: What did Big Chimney say to the Little Chimney?
Answer: You are Too Young To Smoke.
Do u want 2 see this World after your Death?
Plz Donate your Eyes.
The average man’s life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
To Hear what is Unspoken,
To See what is Unseen,
To Feel without ever Touching,
is a Disease called
and People think its love, How Stupid.
Bush & Queen of England were riding in a horse carriage, one of the horses Farted:
Queen feeling awkward & embarrassed said: There are certain things even Queen of England can’t control.
BUSH: Oh my God, And I thought it was one of the Horses.
Why some people don’t wear helmet?
Helmet protects the “BRAIN” They don’t need protection
Cause They don’t have any brain
So b street smart, Always wear helmet.
Today is F.U.C.K Day (Friends U Can Keepforever) I jst FUCKED U. So, FUCK whoever deserves it & see who FUCKS U back So fowrd dis 2 all FUCKERS u knwface-wink.png FUCK U!
How 2 become a GENIUS ?
*some text missing*.
find the missing text &
surely you’ll become a GENIUS.
friendship funny status for facebook and fb whatsapp updates
What is the similarity between a woman’s breast and a park ?
Actually both were designed for children
but adults enjoy them more!
A Young and Pretty Girl shows her hands to clerk:
He kisses her Fingers and asks: What can I do for you?
Girl: Just tell the manager that There is Toilet Paper in the Toilet.
Once upon a time there lived Ali-Baba & 40 thieves.
But now there are only 20 thieves…
Job cuts throughout the World!
Boy and girl in restaurant:
Boy: I love you
Girl: I do not love you.
Boy: Think again?
Girl: No no and no
Boy: waiter, bring separate bills.
Girl: ok ok.I Love You Too.
A cute !£OvE $TöRY!
There was a husband who daily snt his wife a rose’
wen evr he was out of town’
1 day he died..
still his wife recvd a Rose Everyday.
Do u know why spelling of women Starts with “W” ?
Bcoz All Questions in the world starts with “W”
What ? Why ? Who ? When ? Which ? Where ? Whom ?
One Day Teeth and Tongue were in Conversation..
Teeth: If I just press u a little, you will get cut.
Tongue: If I misuse one word against someone, all you 32 will come out of the mouth…
Dinosar+Forest= Jurasic park
U+ur smile= The mummy returns
New Age Rhyme:
Ba Ba bastard have u any kids?
Yes Sir Yes Sir
3 damn kids,
1 from my neighbour,
1 from my maid,
& 1 from d prostitute who never got paid
Can a Woman make you a Millionaire?
Yes ! ! ! ! !
If you are a Billionaire…. %)
Consequences of American life style:
The wife came into the house screaming 2 her husband,
Darling, come Quick!
Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.
Husband to Wife: You know! Our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I’ve still got mine with me!
n Next Generation child will sing:
Twinkle twinkle little Cigar,
I just went to Royal Bar,
Whiskey rates are up so high,
So drink beer with chicken fry.
A Wife Hit Her Husband With Frying Pan:
Husband: What was that for?
Wife: I found a paper in your Pocket, with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I played a Race last week and Jenny was the name of my Horse.
Next day, Wife again hit him with the Frying Pan.
Wife: Your Horse is on the Phone.
Diff B/W Ign0rance & Patience?
Wen u see the mirror & u dont laugh at ur self dat is ign0rance &
wen i luk at u and i also dont laugh, dats called patience.
funny moment sharing for friends.
Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
night I Saw a
dream dat u were
Husband :Yeah,I saw ur dad paying d bill..!
Respect those Friends who find Time for you in their Busy Schedule.
But Love those Friends who Never see their Schedule when you need them.
A Piece Of Advice
For You … !!
Never Think Yourself
As An Ugly Person
~ T r u t h ~
Of Every Ten (10)
Who Talk About You
Nine (9) Will Say
The Tenth (10th) Will
Say Something Good In
A Bad Way …
They Said …
There Would Be Black
President When Pigs
President And Only
Several Months Later
“SWINE FLU” …
Want To Go USA
Here’s A Chance For You
Mr.Obama Is Waiting
For You To Be In
He I In Search Of
Dog For His Daughter
If You Keep Your Feet Firmly On The Ground …
You’ll Have Trouble Putting On Your Pants …
I think I’m Disturbing you, Sorry!
This is my Last Msg and
I will not Msg you any more.
Never Expect that From Me.
I’m Born to Disturb You.
girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!
The priest inquired: Why must you pray so, my child?
Girl:That’s what I have written in my answer sheet in the examination!
A man was interviewing for a job. The interviewer said, “In this job we
need someone who is responsible.”
“I’m the one you want,” the man replied. “At my last job every time
anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.
A woman is always Right,
and even downright stupid.
but NEVER wrong.
1 day there was tis naked man N elephant, da elephant looks at the naked man 4 a few seconds, then ask da naked man, “HOW CAN U BREATH THRU THAT LITTLE THING?”
The Best and Daring Lines on the T-Shirt of an Employee:
“I Work Only for MONEY, If you want Loyality, Hire a DOG.”
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,whichthe father receives as:”father, your daughter has been successful in BED.”
Hindi funny status shortly for fb and whatsapp
Arz kia hai
Pink lips are the girls beauty…
Pink lips are the girls beauty..
And kissing them is boys duty.
Can A Kangaroo Jump
Higher Than A Effiel Tower?
Ans: Yes Bcoz D Effiel Tower Cannot jump.
Lady: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don’t see any other way 2 merry your daughter!
Only the open heart receives LOVE
Only the open mind receives WISDOM
Only the open hand receives GIFTS
Only the CUTE 1’s receive MESSAGES From ME!
Whenever you find the key to success, some idiot changes the Lock.
So, forget about the keys & learn to break the doors 2 success. Keep moving!
GIRL before marriage looks like Brbie doll,
After merriage Beautiful doll,
after one year Nice doll,
after two years only doll,
after three years
Height of bravery!
Going Late To Class,in TOre Jeans&messy hair.
Entring The class widout Permission
n saying to MAM: “Hey SwEeTy!”
“CARRYY ON DONT STOP”…
In order to get job in a good company a boy needs 100% talent. But a girl needs only 4% talent. Remaining is already
( 36 )
( 36 ) = 96%
English teacher says: make a sentence using neither-nor?
Naughty boy: when girls wear tight fitting dresses, neither they r comfortable nor we
Man1 sitting with dog.
Man2:Your dog bits?
2nf Man sits and the dog bits!
Man2 angrily, you said he does not bit!
Man:That is not my dog.
Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three?
Husband: 1 for you and two for your parents.
on cricket match. there was a girl.. she painted Indian flag on her face.. a boy kissed her and said…i love India.
You are very special for me. I am very worry about you. But I can”t be always with you. So good take care of yourself when you jump from 1 tree to another.
Boy: Do you hug your Teddy Bear while sleeping at night?
Boy: Can I replace it for the rest of life?
At a Party someone yelled: “All married guys, please HUG the person who
has made your life worth living.”
The bartender almost got crushed!
What is the difference between Talent And Intelligence?
Getting up early in the morning daily is talent!!!
Not trying such nonsense thing is intelligence..!!
Birthday funny status for wish your friends
* Height of Diplomacy *
Forgetting GF’s Birthday and later telling her:
How can I remember your 🙂 Honey, When you never look a year Older?
Beggar: Sir, pls give 50 paise.
Man: I don’t have.
Beggar: Then come with me, lets beg together
Where did love born ?
Guess . .
Becoz it has no warranty.
Man runs home and shouts:
“Pack your Bag Honey! I just won 10 million dollars in the lottary.”
Wife: “Do I pack for the Beach or the Resort?”
Man: Who Cares Just Pack and Get Lost…
World’s shortest horor story by Martin Garner contains only the following lines:
“When the world’s last man was alone in his room, the door was knocked.”
Today, Tomorrow and Yesterday there will be
one heart that would always beat for you
You know Whose???
your Own Stupid!!!
A Simple Logic:
Human who doesn’t enjoy is a Donkey.
Give A Person A Fish And You Feed Him For A Day,
Teach A Person To Use The Internet And He Won’t Bother You For Weeks
Teacher: Draw A Diagram Of Bacteria.
Pappu: Here It Is Sir.
Teacher: Where? You Haven’t Drawn Anything.
Pappu: Sir, Can You See Bacteria Without Microscope …
A WISE MAN Washes His Hand After He PEES.
A WISER MAN Doesn”t PEE On His Hand …
Things To Remember In Life …
“Love Your FRIENDS Not Their SISTERS”
“Love Your SISTERS Not Their FRIENDS”
* TRUTH *
“Women never have anything to wear..”
Don’t question the racks of clothes in the closet.
You’ll b answered every time,
“You just don’t understand”
The Worst Thing About Censorship Is
[ Deleted By Censorship Bureau ]
Guys playing cards
Guy1: I Promised my wife I’ll Not Play Cards anymore.
Guy2: Then what the hell are you doing now?
Guy1: I Never promised I Won’t Tell Lies.
What ABCDEFG stands for?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl.
And GFEDCBA stands for what?
The reverse: Girl Forgets Everything Done and Catches new Boy Again
An Old Man”s T-Shirt Quote.
I Am Not 50.
I Am 16 With 34 Years Of Experience….
That”s The ATTITUDE.
Come like a Horse,
Sit like a Thief,
And Go like a King….
This Slogan was written on a..
Public Toilet Door.
friendship funny status for Facebook fb whatsapp
There is always a sign board “Drive Slowly” near School,
But Never near Girl’s College.
There Vehicles Automatically get Slow….
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